Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
