Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
