her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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