We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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