Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
