I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
