the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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