I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
