Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
