Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this boner is exhausting
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
