Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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