It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
