I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
