i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
