Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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