...so i touched it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
