before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
