If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
