I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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