Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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