i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
