She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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