I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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