If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
