puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
