Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
