I just cut my nipple shaving
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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