I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
