Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hippo gnu deer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
