So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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