were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
