I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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