so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we should paint friendship bongs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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