Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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