Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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