i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
