Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
