i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
