Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
