I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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