I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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