I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
