Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think a kid would responsible me up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
