i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
