You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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