So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They have beer where we have blood.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
