did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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