You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
