He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
