I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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