im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
