I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
3 2 1 whiskey
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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