Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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