I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
